Comparitve analysis of major religeons

I came across this while cleaning out old files.

Taoism                  Shit Happens
Confuscianism      Confusius say "Shit Happens"
Buddhism              If Shit Happens, it really is not Shit
Zen                        Shit only Happens when it does not Happen
                              What is the sound of Shit Happening
Hinduism               This Shit Happened before (and it will Happen again)
Islam                     If Shit Happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestant              Let Shit Happen to someone else
Catholic                 If Shit Happens, you deserve it!
Judaism                 Why does this Shit always Happen to us?
Atheism                 Shit Happens for no apparent reason.
                               No Shit
Agnosticism           I think that Shit Happens
Baptist                   I believe Shit Happens! (Amen!)
Jehovah Witness   Let us in and we will tell you why Shit Happens
                               Knock, knock. Shit Happens
Scientologist          Feces Occurs
Hare Krishna        ShitHappensShitHappensShitHappensShitHappensShitHappens
Existentialism       I Shit, therefore I am (Defeco ergo sum)
New Age                Shit came to me in a vision....
Rastafarianism     Let's smoke this shit.
Paganism              If you send Shit out into the world, it will return to you threefold
Mormons              If Shit happens, the Church gets 10%
Stoics                    This Shit doesn't bother me
Hedonists              There's nothing like a good Shit Happening
New Life Christian   Pay us money, or Shit will Happen
Branch Davidianism  David Koresh: I am the Shit
Occultism              I see Shit Happening in your future
Bahaiism               Same Shit, different pile
Lutheran              What does it mean when people say Shit Happens